Prattles Of A No One

Trying to relive my blog again.  I’ve missed blogging so much na nakakalimutan ko minsan.

A lot has happened over the past months. Things I never imagined i would be, and do for that matter. Changes has been rough and lemme tell you, everything’s heaven until the day came when it all came crashing down to reality. A fantasy that I unconsicously turning into reality that has to stop. What’s worse is that, it was all a lie. Everything was a lie, not only did he lied to me but with our other friends as well. The meanest and most evil person I encountered. I never though I would encounter such cruel person as him.

He’s dead to me.

I’m free. Free from his clutches but the worst part of it, is moving on. A part of me still misses him though it was make believe. I just hope that those memories were real.

as days go by, things are really getting better. I’m loving it.

The Guild.

Friends.

Love life.

Work.

I have a new guild in RO (Ragnarok Online). What’s weird about it is that it was inspired by Gossip Girl and the ones who founded it were your typical “barako” male. I know right?! it sounds kinda funny but hey, even straight people watches the show.

I am actually blessed to have this guild. They are worth

keeping for at least for the time being. My first major siege will be on Monday and I’m kinda excited. The folks there actually will be there to help me out since I’m really new with sieges. hahaha! My first agit maybe will be on Geffen I think? hahaha.

Oh yeah, I’m a Chixilog. They’re really intrigued with my sexuality. hahaahha! go figure.

Current Song: Miley Cyrus – 7 Things

i’ve been working on 2 projects now, I’m kinda bored as I listen to some music and trying to squeeze out all my creative juices foer this to be finished. at least before the weekend starts.

I havent seen twilight, I know. I’m such a loser.

Also, I was thinking of disconnecting myself, or rather hybernate myself again from the people around me. I have alwasy been like this so it’s not new to me. well, I was only thinking of other aspects that I might missed.

anyway, I went back to Ragnarok Online and the hightest level that I’ve gone through is 92 which I intend to stuck it to that level until the next exp mod hahaha!

<a href=http: href=rune-nifelheim.com><img src=”http://img367.imageshack.us/img367/3429/145864cs8.gif”><a>

hahaha, Supposed to be a dancer.

So I thought that buying a whole series of Charmed would made divert into this call cert thing. Costs me around 400 bucks and yet, Season 1 is not working. Good thing is that I was able to watch the whole series of ANTM Cycle 10 and Whitney as the ANTM, so-so. I rooted for Anya or Fatima instead of hers. Plus size models? Toccara Jones is still the best for me. Among ANTM winners? Jaslene, Saleisha and Caridee were my faves.

Oh, I passed btw, but wait… there’s more. Another is one coming, apparently, we have to pass two. I just dont know how to handle it anymore and I’m sick right now thanks to a co-worker. I’m just praying that everything will go to well this time around.

You know what’s funny, are the preparations that they are giving to us. Our name’s postion (e.a. JC, LEVEL 2) has been changed the position we are struggling to pass on. Our stations are already assigned to us and the necessary access that we need are already there. All we need is to do the job oficially which will start on Monday… IF we pass. So help us God, I think we reallyw orked hard for this.

My nerves must behave themselves tomorrow or else i’ll be damned.

It’s been a long time, yeah, I’ve been posting on multiply.com and I tend to forget about this one.

So I’m starting to renew this.

I’m stressed out, I need a break from everything. For the reason that I don’t wanna end up exploding and doing the inevitable of ignoring my work, friends and everything.

Or as my friend told me, maybe I need to do some soul searching, find myself and get in touch again with myself. Lot of things going on my mind now and I don’t wanna be eaten alive by it.

JC:  you’ll always be my boyfriend noh, tatanggi ka!?
Nosebleed: hehehe
Nosebleed: and ul always be the queen of the ocean
JC: ulul!

============================

Nosebleed: hanap tayo
Nosebleed: ng iba
JC: sa 24/7
JC: hahahahahaha
Nosebleed: q-ing eh
JC: masaya naman dito eh, dito muna tayo
JC: pag hinde
JC: sabay pa rin tayo maghahanap like kung pano tayo napunta dito, bwahahahah!
Nosebleed: hahahah
Nosebleed: deal
JC: deal

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I just don’t get it. I know I can make it to the next level but why do I have this feeling that I wanna give up and settle for being an L1 tech support. That doesn’t sound right, does it? We’ve been taking calls and preparing for our certifications, yeah I get that, but why do I have this feeling that it’s going to be OK, not because of motivation and positive stuff like that, but it’s OK that whatever happens, ewan ko ba, nawawalan na ko ng gana.

For the past two weeks, I have been pushing myself to my limits, changing my weaknesses into strengths and turning the tables around and see if I can make something out of it. Maybe I’m just so stressed right now that I don’t even want to push myself and be determined. What I am actually scared of is actually happening right now, Mawalan ako ng gana.

I need a lot of strength right now, I need to build myself up again. Tomorrow is a new day and maybe I’m just so tired now that I don’t even wanna think about it and I don’t wanna push myself up. But I have to do it right?

Why is this happening? So help me God, I need all the energy that I can get because right now, I’m running out of it and I don’t know how long I can sustain this little momentum that I have right now.

Music: Somewhere Down The Road – Nina

yeah, just like Carrie, I do have one. err, without the sex part. Ok, He’s my Lucas when I’m Haley-ish. After 2 months of texting and exchanging quotes and stuff like that, I decided that I wanna catch up with him since we’re friends after all.

It was actually quite fulfilling to see the guy that you went crazy about that when you think about the past,  napapatawa ka na lang and asking yourself how fool you have been. It’s actually a good sign that I already moved on. Friends used to laugh at those kind of things and for us, I will actually consult him regarding a person that is currently or rather kinda bugging my mind. I still can handle it because I believe I am much much wiser than before (errr, i think) and he is actually one of the best people I can hang out with and talk about this stuff since I had a past on him that almost destroyed our friendship. He’s always be a good friend to me, one of the few people who really knew me, regardless of how long we’ve known. Time is not actually a factor in friendship or to know a friend. In my few case, there are only a handful of people who really knew me, the real me. Though some people may claim that they knew me, I guess only I can really tell who those persons who actually knew me, and I will cherish them whatever the odds we will have.

I’m actually excited. Teehee!

Music: Coco Lee – Before I Fall In Love

Yesterday during our training for Level 2, we had an assignment given by Boss Al, our manager which co – trains us, wherein we had to list down the good and bad things of our product specific trainer, Gerard and of course, Boss Al. In that instant, I thought this would be easy, but it’s not.

So I did the assignment when I got home. It was pretty easy for me to wrote down all the good things to both of them because I consider them as one of the best people on the floor, but when the bad thing came to me, I was really running out of ideas. Questions popped up, “Are they mean to me?” or the like.

Time of discussion came and all of us are really filling out the good things for Boss Ge, but when we were now tasked to mention the bad things about Boss Al (he was the trainer by the way on that time), we were really having a hard time. Some gave them but on a positive note and more on a witty sense. Boss Al asked us why are we having a hard time with it? and then, he explained because of the magical and powerful word RESPECT. That there are two kinds of which, Utmost Respect and Due Respect (What you give is what you will receive)

If that is the case and if that is what how the world defines respect. Utmost respect to everyone is what I do to everyone, or at least almost everyone. I mean, I don’t have anything to be proud of, and when I have one, I see to it that I really worked hard for it. If that is also the case for respect, why do some people, it’s easy for them to point out and enumerate the bad ones instead of appreciating the good ones that you did or you possess?

There’s another case for friends, they list down the bad things, yes and we take that objectively right? Because all they aim is for you to change and improve if there’s any that we badly need. If that is the case, why do some friendships don’t work that way and instead all the bad ones are being overlapped by the good ones that you did? and the worst, we are not being appreciated if we did something that we know they can be proud of?

For some friendships, is it a way for your continuous improvement or a in-your-face way of what you have to change and slowly becoming a pressure until you suffocates?

When do we say that respect begets respect if we still respect the person, or our friend, regardless?